Growing Pain
When I was a little girl I used to wake up in the middle of the night with aches in my legs due to growing pains. Not sure how to get relief from the pain I would find my parents and with tears rolling down my face, would ask them what was wrong with me (convinced I might be dying). They would assure me I would be OK and would gently massage my legs until I started to calm back down. Eventually I would be able to fall back into a blissful sleep.
As an adult I still experience growing pains but they manifest in a much different way. Instead of feeling the pain in my limbs, I now experience the aftermath of my growing usually as emotional pain in my heart.
Any time my heart is hurting I habitually want to run to my mom and dad to help soothe me. As I’ve matured though, I’ve learned that only I have the ability to calm myself back down and integrate the transformation in
to my life in a meaningful way.
I’ve also learned that the pain is inevitable, it’s one of the many gifts of living our human experience. The only way I’ve learned to get to the other side of the pain and to experience the transformation is to sit with it, acknowledge it, wait for it to pass, and then watch for the lessens I am inevitably supposed to learn.
It isn’t a comfortable experience but I know that if I don’t take the time to truly feel my emotions, I won’t be able to move through the transformation and benefit from the personal growth that has transpired. My time on my yoga mat, whether moving through asanas, or simply sitting in meditation, is where the insight comes to help me to explore my emotional state. It provides a safe place where I can tune into what my soul has been trying to tell me but I’ve been too busy to listen to.
I realize that I’m learning and growing every day. Some days that feels liberating and incredibly exciting, yet other days it feels stifling and terrifying. I am not the same person I was a year ago, a month ago, or even yesterday. Every single day provides me with the opportunity to embrace the transformation of my body, mind, and spirit.
When I don’t accept the messages I’m receiving and try to force something to be my truth (when it’s not) the result will be the gift of disharmony. When my body, mind, and spirit are disconnected or I’m acting from a place that isn’t in alignment with my values, the messages will come to me loud and clear. I get to choose to accept them or choose to continue the cycle of pain with no hope for relief through transformation.
Like a butterfly spreading her wings for the first time, the new me that unfolds each and every day is a wonder to witness. The beauty of transformation and growth doesn’t come without struggle, work, and sometimes a whole lot of pain. But the awe inspiring change that occurs is worth the struggle.
As the cycle of life continues, my daughter now depends on me to help calm her down and massage her little legs when she wakes up with her own growing pains. I revel in my ability to be able to comfort her through her pain, knowing that eventually the safety of my cocoon will no longer serve her and she will be ready to break free and fly all on her own. I can only hope that I’ve taught her how fly away with resiliency and grace.